Breastfed Babies are Better, Nursing a 3 Year Old is Gross, And Other Bullshit

by January Harshe on December 4, 2015

When my oldest was a year old, a friend told me that my baby and I couldn’t be as bonded as her and her baby because we bottlefed and she breastfed. I wasn’t necessarily offended, as I was confused. I had a very deep bond with my baby and was madly in love her, so how could she claim that? To this day my daughter and I have a special connection.

What pretentious, judgmental bullshit that was. It is absolutely ridiculous when mothers judge each other over breastfeeding and bottlefeeding (it goes both ways). I am not talking about educating or sharing information, but flat out arguing, being snobby, gossiping, and being hateful. If a baby is fed and everyone is happy, keep your mouth shut and fingers off the keyboard.

My goodness ladies there are bigger problems. Like hungry babies fucking dying. If you are so upset that you need to tear another mother down, get on a damn plane and fly somewhere and nurse those babies. Or feed people in your community because there are starving children right in your neighborhood!

You don’t think women who feed their babies formula know breast is best? No shit. But you know what? You aren’t living their life. You aren’t dealing with their past abuse issues, or postpartum depression and anxiety, or cracked bleeding nipples, or whatever else led to their choice.

A woman wants to cover or not when she nurses, that’s her choice. She wants to nurse her 2 or 3 year old, not your problem.

NEWS FLASH: You don’t have to always share your opinions. <— Read it again. Wish I realized that in my 20’s.

So, let me tell you about these two pictures.

january harshe fed is best

Both are same mom, same baby, same day. Both are of a mom who loves her baby with every fiber of her being. Both are of a baby who is loved, fed, sheltered, and adored. Both are of a mom and baby bonding. Both have a baby’s tummy getting full. Both are of a mom doing what she feels best at the given time. There are more similarities than differences.

Mamas, you do you and let other be them without your opinions. Breastfeed without fear, bottle-feed without fear, pump without fear, just feed those babies! We are all in the trenches of motherhood together and we are all going through our own struggles and journeys. Remember when we take a stand to take back postpartum, we also embrace variations of normal. So be a nice fucking human and raise kind people, because that’s what our babies need.

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Audrey December 4, 2015 at 8:26 pm

Thank You January!!! you are a breath of fresh air! you are real and take no shit! you tell it like it is, and make sure that everyone knows that there are so many variations of “normal” BTW… what the hell is normal anyway???

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Rachel B. December 5, 2015 at 9:03 am

Thank you so much for your continued support for women in all their different choices. I’m grateful for your posts like this one because it helps ease some guilt I feel about possibly switching to formula. I struggle with post partum depression/anxiety (& have been battling ADHD/Anxiety my whole life.) I’m nursing my second baby with hardly a break in between (milk didn’t even dry up.) I’m all about EBF in all its glory. However, since it’s getting worse rather than better [PPD] we’ve discussed the options of medication. For me that most likely means not nursing anymore as I’m just not sure how comfortable I am medicating while I breastfeed. I want to say both is perfect cuz it would be, but my instinct says it’s one or the other. I know you haven’t made the same choices for each of your babies, when it comes to bottle or breast and that’s a helpful fact. There was a weird guilt at first when I thought about how I nursed my 1st until he was 2 & that my tiny little NB was looking at getting it for maybe 6 months tops.. 8weeks so far. So yeah, I’ve yet to hands down say I’ll get on meds, because I’m feeling all wishy washy about that. My dilemma is coming down to EBF my NB or assure a happy/healthy momma/wife to BOTH my boys & hubby. Reading that sentence back it seems like a no brainer. I’m carrying on, but I guess what I mean is thanks for giving me hope and reassurance that no matter what I choose its right because it’s MY choice. For always reminding me there are absolutely so many variations of normal! <3

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Alicia December 5, 2015 at 4:14 pm

There are nursing safe medications to treat depression and anxiety if you would like to continue nursing while getting the help you need. Check out Lactmed (available by website and app) and infant risk center (available by website and by phone) to see which medications you can take. Many nursing moms take lexapro, Zoloft, or Celexa for depression and anxiety. There are a couple medications that are not safe so make sure you get on the correct ones. Asking a pharmacist can be helpful in finding the right medication too. Sadly it’s a common misbelief that depression medication and nursing aren’t compatible. I had been misinformed and suffered for 4 yrs before learning with my youngest that there were options that could allow me to get treatment while still nursing. It has been life changing to finally be the mom and wife I knew I could be. I wish you luck with whichever choice you choose!

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juliana December 5, 2015 at 7:26 pm

this comment helps me so much. i am having breastfeeding issues with my 3 month old, she is on the bottle during the day and i pump and at night she nurses. for some reason during the day she will just not latch. i breastfed my first daughter until she was almost 3 and my second will probably be lucky to get to 4 months. thank you for sharing your story, it makes me feel less alone <3

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Logan December 5, 2015 at 7:39 pm

This is like a hug to a broken heart for me! My supply has dried up on its own after an uphill battle with breastfeeding. My goal was to BF for a year at least, my body had other plans. I would not trade a step of the uphill battle that’s for sure! Adding PPD/PPA to the mix has not helped. Thank you for providing a place for comfort and encouragement in the trenches of motherhood! #fedisbest

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Brittany Waddell December 23, 2015 at 2:02 pm

Thank you for this. I found it when I absolutely needed to hear it most, when no one else could give me the right words for my struggles. Bottle feeding now with my girl and we are a happy team!

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MG January 26, 2016 at 9:34 pm

So true! I seriously don’t understand all the tearing down. For the most part, all moms are doing their best, trying their hardest. We are so critical to ourselves, we sure don’t need others being critical. It would be great if we could support (or at least keep our mouths shut) and encourage.

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